Immediate Hiring Philippines

November 20th, 2009

Urgent

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Cheesy Pick Up Lines

October 7th, 2009

Cheesy

Are you a surgeon? Cause you’ve just took my heart away!

Excuse me, but I think I dropped something … My Jaw!!!

I’m not wearing any pants.

You have been very naughty! Go to my room!

Mind if i stand here until it’s safe where i farted

Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss, but down under

Sex is like Pringles: once you pop, you can’t stop.

If I received a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I’d have five cents.

When God made you, he was showing off

It’s not my fault I fell in love, you’re the one who tripped me!

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Corny Pick Up Lines

October 7th, 2009


There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can’t take them off you.

Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes.

That’s a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?

Do you believe in love at first, or should I walk by again?

If I could rewrite the alphabet, I would put U and I together.

If you were a new hamburger at McDonald’s, you would be McGorgeous.

Are you a parking ticket? ’cause you got fine-fine-fine written all over ya.

Baby, you must be a broom, because you just swept me off my feet.

If I said you had a great body, would you hold it against me?

Girl, you must be tired ’cause you’ve been running through my mind all day!

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Top 10 Elf Pick Up Lines

October 7th, 2009


1. “I’m down here.”

2. Just because I’ve got bells on my shoes, doesn’t mean I’m a sissy.

3. I was once a lawn ornament for ‘NSync. Want to meet them?

4. I can get you off Santa’s naughty list.

5. I have certain needs that can’t be satisfied by working on toys.

6. I’m a magical being. Can I try to make your top and bra disappear?

7. No, no. I don’t bake cookies. You’re thinking of those dorks over at Keebler.

8. Get an eyedropper of tequila in me and I turn into a wild man.

9. You’d look great in a Raggedy Ann wig.

10. I can eat my weight in cocktail wieners!

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What Men Mean

October 7th, 2009

The Man

Haven’t I seen you before? = Nice ass

I’m a Romantic = I’m poor

I need you” = My hand is tired

I am different from all the other guys = I am not circumcised

I want a commitment = I’m sick of masturbation

You’re the only girl I’ve ever cared about = You are the only girl who hasn’t rejected me

I really want to get to know you better = So I can tell my friends about it

It’s just orange juice, try it = 3 more shots, and she’ll have her legs around my head

he’s kinda cute = I want to have sex with her till I am blue

I don’t know if I like her = She won’t sleep with me

I miss you so much = I am so horny that my male-roommate is starting to look good

was it good for you? = I’m insecure about my manhood

how do I compare with all your other boyfriends? = Is my penis really that small

I had a wonderful time last night = who the hell are you

o you love me? = I’ve done something stupid and you might find out

Do you ‘really’ love me? = I’ve done something stupid and you’re going to find out sooner or later

how much do you love me? = I’ve done something really stupid and someone’s on his/her way to tell you about it now

I have something to tell you = Get tested

I’ll give you a call = I’d rather have my nipples torn off by wild dogs than see you again

I’ve been thinking a lot = You’re not as attractive as when I was drunk

I think we should just be friends = You’re ugly

I’ve learned a lot from you = Next

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Truth’s About Men and Women

October 7th, 2009

A Man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs
A Woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need

A Woman worries about the future until she gets a husband
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend
A successful woman is one who can find such a man

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all

Married men live longer than single man, but married men are a lot more willing to die

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change but she does

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Don’t Tell To A Naked Guy

October 7th, 2009


1. I’ve smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahh, it’s cute.
3. Who circumcised you?
4. Why don’t we just cuddle?
5. You know they have surgery to fix that.
6. Its more fun to look at.
7. Make it dance.
8. You know, there’s a tower in Italy like that.
9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
10. It looks like a night crawler.
11. Wow, and your feet are so big.
12. My last boyfriend was 4” bigger.
13. Its ok, we’ll work around it.
14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
15. Eww, there’s an inch worm on your thigh.
16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
17. Oh no, a flash headache.
18. (Giggle and point)
19. Can I be honest with you?
20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
21. Let me go get my tweezers.
22. How sweet, you brought incense.
23. This explains your car.
24. You must be a growing boy.
25. Maybe if we water it, it’ll grow.
26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
27. Are you one of those pygmies?
28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
29. Every heard of Clearasil?
30. All right, a treasure hunts!
31. I didn’t know they came that small.
32. Why is God punishing you?
33. At least this won’t take long.
34. I never saw one like that before.
35. What do you call this?
36. But it still works, right?
37. ####, I hate baby-sitting.
38. It looks so unused.
39. Do you take steroids?
40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.
41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
42. Why don’t we skip right to the cigarettes?
43. Oh, I didn’t know you were in an accident.
44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
45. Aww, its hiding.
46. Are you cold?
47. If you get me real drunk first.
48. Is that an optical illusion?
49. What is that?
50. I’ll go get the ketchup for your french fry.
51. Were you neutered?
52. It’s a good thing you have so many other talents.
53. Does it come with an air pump?
54. So this is why you’re supposed to judge people on personality.
55. Where are the puppet strings?
56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.
58. Never mind, why bother.
59. Is that a second belly button?
60. Where’s the rest of it?

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Why Men Are Like Computers

October 7th, 2009

1.  They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
2.  A better model is always just around the corner.
3.  They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.
4.  It is always necessary to have a backup.
5.  They’ll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
6.  The best part of having either one is the games you can play.
7.  In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
8.  The lights are on but nobody’s home.
9.  Big power surges knock them out for the night.
10. Size does matter

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Jack And Jill Rhyme

October 7th, 2009

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana,

Jack got high,

pulled down his fly,
and asked Jill if she wanna.

Jill said yes,
pulled up her dress,
and had a little fun.

But stupid Jill forgot the pill,
and now they have a son

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Ode to Oral Sex

October 7th, 2009

Penis breath, a lover’s dread
Is what you get when you give head
Unpleasant as it tends to be
Be grateful that he doesn’t pee
It’s times like this, you wonder why
you bothered reaching for his fly
But it’s too late, can’t be a tease
Accept the facts, get on your knees
You know you’ve got a job to do
So open wide and shove it through
Lick the tip then take it all
Don’t drag your teeth or he might bawl
Slide up and down, use your tongue
And feel the precum start to run
So when the fuck’s he gonna cum
Just, when you can’t take anymore
You hear your lover’s mighty roar
And when he hits that real high note
You feel it oozing down your throat
Salty, fishy, sticky, yuck!y stuff
Okay, already that’s enough
Let’s switch you say, before you gag
And what’s your revenge, your on the rag.

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